Noe Valley Voice April 2001

Monsters Gobbling Up Monster Homes

By Blondzilla

Over the last year, there has been a lot of controversy about the enormous "monster" homes springing up around Noe Valley. People are asking: Who could possibly need a home that big? Well, in the case of a seven-story, 28,000-square-foot home on Clipper Street, the answer is obvious: a three-ton gorilla.

Alan "King" Kong, a giant simian, and his wife Mabel are just the latest in a steady stream of celebrities who have made Noe Valley their home in the past year.

Count Brad Dracula started the trend, when he left the mountains of Transylvania for a fixer-upper on Valley Street. Within days of his arrival, the pallid emigré had gutted the small single-family home and erected a windowless 17-room gothic castle on the site. Dracula has also acquired the former Life of Riley Mortuary, which he plans to turn into a deli.

Nearby on Hill Street, Harry Visage, a werewolf, is temporarily sharing his monster duplex with Al Frankenstein, until his live/work loft above Selective Auto & Body Parts is wired with electroshocks. "It's a little too crowded here, especially during the full moon," Visage howls. "Also, I keep stepping on the spare arms and legs he leaves lying around, and that is hard on my paws."

The Kongs are decorating the den of their new home with a jungle motif, featuring 6,000 extra-tall palm trees and trompe l'oeil grazing wildlife. They also plan a rooftop deck, so friends such as Dave Mothra can visit. "My nephew Joe Young has been mighty helpful in the design," roared Kong, biting off a small

Continued on Plan 9