Muni Muffles Streetcar Noise With `Music'
By the Noe Village People
"Whine, whine, whine!" harps Church Street resident Ethel Merman, describing the shrill noise made by the new Breeder J-Church streetcars.
"Whine, whine, whine!" responds Ann Judah, manager of Muni's Frivolous Complaints Department.
Meanwhile, the Loud family of 28th Street says they hear nothing at all.
Well, all the whining should officially stop on April 1, when Muni unveils its new plan to mask the cars' high-pitched screech. "Everyone will be humming a different tune on the first," says Judah.
Each Muni stop will be equipped with a loudspeaker activated by an advanced electronic brain designed by Deaf Smith. As a train approaches, the built-in random search feature will select and blast one of 10 songs from a neighborhood-appropriate list compiled monthly by a punchy Noe Valley Voice production crew late one Sunday night. The high volume will simultaneously drown out the whine and bring back fond musical memories.
Among the tunes they'll be broadcasting this month are "The Pina Colada Song," "Wildfire," "Honey I Miss You," "Little Green Apples," "I Am Woman," "Copacabana," "Take a Letter, Maria," "Me and You and a Dog Named Boo," "The Windmills of Your Mind," "Seasons in the Sun," "I Am...I Cried," and the theme from the movie Billy Jack.
And to please the kiddies, there's "It's a Small World After All," selections from Pat Boone's In a Metal Mood, and F.A.O. Schwartz's catchy "Welcome to Our World, Welcome to Our World, Welcome to Our World of Toys."
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